


Battle Born

by idrilhadhafang



Series: Sequel Trilogy Missing Scenes [16]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Dramatic Irony, Everyone Has Issues, Female Friendship, Fix-It of Sorts, Grief/Mourning, Jerk With A Heart of Gold, Kaydel Ko Connix Is Innocently Insensitive, Lying To Protect Your Feelings, Male-Female Friendship, Mentioned Paige, Mentors, Minor Poe Dameron/Ben Solo, Minor Poe Dameron/Kylo Ren, Missing Scene, Movie: Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Multi, Past Character Death, Past Poe Dameron/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Past Poe Dameron/Kylo Ren, Past Torture, War is hell, We’re Not Supposed To Agree With Kaydel, philosophical debates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-17 11:53:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29225004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: While the First Order’s hunting them, Poe sees a different side of Holdo.
Relationships: Amilyn Holdo & Paige Tico, Kaydel Ko Connix & Poe Dameron, Poe Dameron & Amilyn Holdo, Poe Dameron/Ben Solo, Poe Dameron/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Poe Dameron/Kylo Ren
Series: Sequel Trilogy Missing Scenes [16]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1931056
Kudos: 3
Collections: Gen Prompt Bingo Round 19





	Battle Born

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Ice Queen/King
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: Title from “Battle Born” by Five Finger Death Punch. Let’s say that I had this idea for a while and writing this helped me understand Holdo’s POV a little. Even if I am very much a Poe stan.

Poe couldn’t say what caused him to seek out Holdo. Maybe it was how shaken she had seemed, though she had kept her composure, kept her grace, as she left, her pink (or was it purple) dress (still an unusual choice of wear) trailing behind her.   
  
Kaydel snorted. “Go figure,” she said. “If this woman’s a competent Admiral, then I’m the Queen of Hapes.”  
  
“Kay,” Poe said.   
  
Kaydel continued. “She’s nothing but a pretentious, arrogant, uncaring, unfeeling _ice queen_ as cold as the Raddus’ hull, and if I have to put up with her any longer, I don’t know what I’ll do.” An exasperated sigh. “Seriously, a medic got blown up, but Holdo doesn’t give a bantha’s ass...”  
  
“I dunno,” Poe said. “She looked kind of upset.”  
  
Kaydel snorted. “More like upset she couldn’t blame you for it.” Then, “Sorry. She just...rubs me the wrong way.”  
  
“Just don’t say that to her face,” Poe said.   
  
“Figured that." Then, “Good luck dealing with her.”  
  
***  
  
“Flyboy.” Holdo sounded more subdued than usual when after searching through hallways and rooms, Poe found her standing not far away from Leia’s bed in medbay. Poe was already used to her being icy, haughty. An ice queen, and then Poe reproved himself for even thinking something like that. It was ridiculously cruel.   
  
“Hey,” Poe said. “You okay?”  
  
“I’m not,” Holdo said evenly, “But that’s not your job to fix that. It’s not your job to fix anything.”  
  
“I just want to help.”  
  
True, Holdo was as tolerable as a flightsuit rash, but Poe didn’t want her to be sad over...whatever she was sad about.   
  
Holdo paused. Then, “Leia says you came back from the Finalizer. I’m sorry for that, at least.”  
  
Poe shifted uncomfortably. “Is there a point in bringing that up?”  
  
“I felt bad,” Holdo said. “For how I treated you earlier.” Then, “You didn’t deserve what happened to you.”  
  
“Thanks.” Honestly, Poe would have preferred to think of it as less as possible. The rumbling in his head like the prelude to an avalanche. The way he had shifted, struggled. The way that Ren seemed to be faltering at points, only to start back up again.   
  
(Ren, murmuring something that sounded like, “Forgive me” before knocking Poe unconscious. The first moment of mercy that Ren had actually given him)  
  
Holdo paused. Then, “Leia also said you were looking for Ben.”  
  
“You knew Ben?”  
  
Holdo snorted. “Leia and I have been friends for quite some time. Going back to the days of the Rebellion. And you’re surprised I knew her son? I didn’t see you often; I was busy.”  
  
“Doing Republic things?”  
  
“Yes,” Holdo said. Then, softer, “Leia also said he meant a great deal to you. Ben.”  
  
“For my part." Poe remembered the way that Ben’s cheekbones were accentuated when he smiled, and he swore he felt his gut twisting. “There’s a lot of things I hate Kylo Ren for. Including taking Ben away.”  
  
He could have sworn Holdo actually winced.   
  
“Something wrong?”   
  
“No. You’re right,” Holdo said. “I admit it. I do miss him.”   
  
“The bombing fleet...” It occurred to Poe that Holdo was missing a lot of people.   
  
“Yes,” Holdo said. “What I want to know is _why,_ Captain. Paige Tico was like my daughter. Did you know that?”  
  
Poe winced. In that moment, he said, “Did you know...”  
  
“Of course I did,” Holdo said. “I trained Paige. I trained Tallissan. I trained each and every bomber and pilot that worked for the Republic.”  
  
“I’m sorry,” Poe said. “It has to hurt.”   
  
Holdo sighed. “You don’t — ”  
  
She cut herself off. Breathing heavily, almost like she was considering whether or not she wanted to shoot Poe in the head and toss him out the airlock.   
  
“Let’s go over what you did,” Holdo said. “You disobeyed a direct order from General Organa. She wanted to get the Resistance to safety with no casualties. She could have pulled it off.”  
  
“Are you saying I kriffed everything up?”  
  
Holdo sighed through her teeth. “I don’t know exactly where things went wrong,” she said. “But there wasn’t any need to engage the Dreadnaught other than glory-seeking. It’s not every day you get to take out a Dreadnaught, but just because you can doesn’t mean you should.” A pause. “Captain, I was a lot like you are now. Thinking there was something glorious about death. You lose that idea when you get older.”  
  
"You’re partially right. About me, that is.” There had been something exciting about taking out a First Order Dreadnaught. But there had also been that fear of what the Dreadnaught could do to the Resistance cruiser. And to D’Qar itself.   
  
There hadn’t just been the Resistance down on that planet. There had been innocent people, and Canady would have killed them all just to make a point.   
  
Even explaining it to Holdo, she tilted her head, seeming almost curious. Then, “So you want to save everyone. That’s the key, isn’t it?”  
  
“Basically.”  
  
Holdo didn’t sigh through her teeth, but she did look pained. “Playing hero doesn’t always work,” she said. “I can...understand, in a way, that you had good intentions. It’s only that good intentions don’t always lead to good outcomes. War isn’t a fairy tale ending where you can save everyone.”  
  
“It should be,” Poe said. He thought of Tuanul’s village, impulsively.   
  
“I know. But it isn’t.” Holdo looked away for a moment; she looked very vulnerable, just briefly. Then, "Paige was a lot like you in some ways. She was a fervent supporter of stormtrooper rehabilitation...she was that kind of woman. I suppose I can understand that she died, just to save others. To preserve others. She didn’t do things out of hate or revenge, only for the sake of all life."  
  
“Sounds like Paige.” Poe, for a moment, could swear that Paige was with them again, even though he couldn’t see her.   
  
(The Force Tree. Ben’s voice. “There is a way. Think of the person you most want to see, then try to see them in your mind and in your heart.” That had been him trying to contact Shara’s ghost, of sorts. That had been so long ago)  
  
“What do you remember about Ben?” Holdo said.   
  
***  
  
“...he had his demons, but he was a good man,” Poe said, after recounting what memories he felt comfortable sharing. Things like Ben showing him Shara again — it was something that seemed more comfortable kept close to his heart.   
  
“That I can see,” Holdo said. She didn’t push. Didn’t force Poe to share details. It occurred to Poe that Holdo could be kind. She was amazingly emotionally constipated in terms of showing it, but it would be foolish to think she couldn’t feel. "You still have your memories of him. We both have our memories. Those who love us never really leave us.” A hitch in her breath. Then, “You’d best return to your station. I think that your friends need you.”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
Even heading back, Poe couldn’t help but feel a sort of unease that he didn’t see coming. Guilt, snaking through his insides. Holdo had exposed her vulnerabilities, but he was still lying to her. Lying to her about where Finn and Rose were going had made sense at the time, but now...  
  
Now he couldn’t help but feel like a total ass.  
  
 _But what choice do you have?_ a part of him said. _The First Order’s not going to stop until you’re all dead. Remember that medic? How Hux just blew him up?_  
  
(Fire. Explosions against a galactic sky)  
  
 _You’re doing this for them,_ he thought. He wasn’t about to let them die, not if it was possible to save them. It was almost a compulsion, this need to save people.   
  
He just hoped that it would actually work. That when they disabled the hyperspace tracker, jumped to hyperspace, got away from the First Order...it wasn’t like Poe was looking for accolades. He only wanted his friends, even people he’d only spoken to in passing, to be safe.  
  
***  
  
“How’s the ice queen?” Kaydel said wryly.   
  
“She’s not an ice queen,” Poe said. “She’s...just a little prickly. Like a cactus.”  
  
Kaydel snorted. “You’re too nice, Poe. Hell, what are you gonna tell her about our plan? She’ll hit the roof.”  
  
Poe swallowed. It felt almost like the greater good vs. the personal. A ship full of Resistance soldiers vs. the trust of a Vice Admiral, a vulnerability that they had exchanged that no one else knew about. He tried to picture the look of hurt in Holdo’s eyes — at least before they became icy and contemptuous again.   
  
“We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it,” Poe said. “She’ll hate me for a long time, but hopefully, she’ll understand.”  
  
 _Hopefully._


End file.
